What if this is as good as it gets?

Through all of the pre blood and other tests and anxiously waiting to find out when I might begin the Lemtrada infusions, I never gave any thought to the idea that it might not be covered by my insurance.

Lo and behold, I was notified today that while my partners insurance would cover some of it, my insurance would not. The cost for the two years of Lemtrada treatment is approximately $180,000. Apparently, Great West Life doesn’t think I meet some nonexistent criteria for the treatment. Which is funny since the leading neurologist at St. Mike’s thinks otherwise.

As soon as I read the words, I felt a slice of panic and strange comfort at the thought of not doing the treatment. I think my anxiety may have had a bit of a reprieve today.

The reimbursement specialist from the MS one to one program in charge of the Lemtrada has been awesome and helping find solutions to get coverage. She helped me file an application for the Trillium drug program (read about it here: https://www.ontario.ca/page/get-help-high-prescription-drug-costs )

The Trillium drug program (if approved) can cover 100% of the costs of treatment or medications. In fact if either insurance comes through they will likely be depleted after this treatment and Trillium can step in to pay for the costs of my other medications. 

So the paperwork has been filed and now I have to wait some more. My anxious thoughts are on a loop, some dreading the infusions, some worrying that I might have a relapse while waiting for this to be resolved and some just for the fuck of it.

In all this shit, I had a weird moment today. Joey and I were driving back from my appt at the MS clinic where I found out that some of my vision has returned (yay!!). 

It was a bleak day, grey and overcast with random sunny spots, and as I was staring into nothingness out the window, came one of those big foil balloons with a yellow happy face on it. 

It was floating along midway up to the sky, crossing a busy street on St. Clair. 

This day, the weather and that fucking balloon…grey skies and goofy happy face balloons…that’s life y’know. 

Happiness comes along in small little waves, it doesn’t hit you in the face and knock  you over. Those kinds of waves that only cause a small ripple. It nudges you, maybe even a poke in the shoulder. 

Sometimes you might even miss it. 

5 thoughts on “What if this is as good as it gets?”

  1. I am Ashton Deroy I wanted to say,

    Sorry to hear about your health issues angelagagz. In managing health issues from a personal perspective I meditate.

    Meditation is not the cure but it does help my mind and blood pressure a lot. 😦 Sending positive thoughts.

    I followed your blog and I will read and engage with content moving forward.

    ***Have to mention this on every comment in Toronto Tag***
    I am from the blog Toronto-Businessphere we are a forum for independent thought about government, institutions and environments that directly impact businesses.


    Liked by 1 person

  2. I came help but think to that the happy face balloon we saw today was floating in front of us for a reason ….I usually don’t believe in that sort of thing but it felt reassuring watching the balloon blow by for That brief moment .. who knows man , maybe it’s the start of something good

    Liked by 1 person

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