Treatment starts the week of April 17th for 5 days. Finally. I’m excited and scared. I’m excited about the possibilities of this treatment. The possibility that after the treatment I may not have another relapse for awhile. Its weird my anxiety is telling me not to get my hopes up but I think I have to in order to get through this next hurdle. I need to see a light at the end of the tunnel. A friend suggested that after this is completed, I may even have a decent summer devoid of my usual summer-heat unpleasant MS symptoms. And I realized that I was ignoring the possibilities of so many good things because of my fear of all of the bad things that might happen. Now I’m not naive, I know that the 5 infusion days are going to be unpleasant (although family and friends will be there to support me and I cannot thank them enough) but it seems that the bad is all I focus on which is my downfall. I get caught up in the minutiae of every anxious thought. And I let those thoughts lead me astray and into often depressed territory. It’s the downward spiral. I’m trying to change that. I want to turn my negative experiences into a positive strengthening one where I jump the hurdles, defeat the monsters, slay the dragons and come out of it stronger, braver and hopefully with a few less MS lesions. Who knows maybe I’ll be able to watch a movie or actually read a book again. I’m excited of what might be…
Wish me luck folks. I’ll be updating throughout the infusion process.