You’re going to let your entire life pass you by in a blur of fears, anxieties and worries. You’ve lived most of your life with one foot in the grave always waiting for the other foot to fall.
You missed all the beauty life could have offered you. The beauty it did offer you but you were too scared to even notice.
Your family surrounded you and loved you and I don’t think you ever believed it. Fully.
It was tainted with angry words and resentment. You let your fears, anxieties and worries take up room in your head instead of the laugher and love that was around you.
You heard the cruel words of the world and at night, in the dark, the conflicts around you were the only things you replayed behind your eyes.
You couldn’t listen when your child begged for help and needed your hand to keep her from drowning. You could only hear your own pain shouting so loudly in your ears.
You didn’t hear your child’s fear, anxieties and worry replacing what should have been their own happy thoughts. You only heard your own voice crying out in the dark. Again and again.
Instead you obsessively worried about when you would die, frantically worrying about when the pain would suffocate you.
And I still don’t know whether or not you were worrying about when and how it would end or if all along you were simply hoping for it.