Calm in the city

I tasted freedom today

Actually it was more of a gulp
Anxious thoughts plagued me before I left

And I wanted someone to want to hold my hand through it

But 

I left the house and drove around 

Until I found  my destination

I went to High Park and I nervously parked

And then I walked around Colborne Lodge, unsure of what to do or what to look for

And then I just let my feet take over

And I walked over to this little grassy area overlooking Grenadier Pond


And I snapped a quick selfie to send to Joey


Proof that I conquered 

And then something weird happened

I saw a man sitting on a bench overlooking the same spot

And he just sat there

Looking ahead and staring into the vast space in front of him

At first I thought how strange it seemed and how he must be high, insane or something

And then I envied him

For just sitting there

By himself

No book

No earphones

No phone

Just him, sitting on the bench in a huge park within the city


I wanted to be like him

So I tried

I sat on a bench further away

And just breathed in the fresh air

But my legs went twitchy

And my mind wandered

And I couldn’t sit still

But I wanted to sit and watch him

And take comfort in his calmness

And hope it would seep into me by proximity

But it made me sad to think I might spoil his public sanctuary 

So, reluctantly

I walked away

And then

I just kept walking

I don’t recall a time in the recent past

When I’ve done that

By myself

Walking around 

No destination

Aimless 

I took in the sights around me

The sky above me

The ground beneath me

The water 

The people walking by

The plants and flowers

And I realized

That maybe I wasn’t calm and meditative like the man on the bench

I might never be 

But I was content in that moment

In those moments 

By myself

And I can’t remember the last time 

I felt that way

And it 

was 

enough 

for 

today

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