Delusional hope vs. Hopeful delusion

hope

hōp/

1. a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.

synonyms: aspiration, desire, wish, expectation, ambition, aim, goal, plan, design, dream, daydream, pipe dream

de·lu·sion
dəˈlo͞oZHən/

1. an idiosyncratic belief or impression that is firmly maintained despite being contradicted by what is generally accepted as reality or rational argument, typically a symptom of mental disorder.
synonyms: misapprehension, misconception, misunderstanding, mistake, error, misinterpretation, misconstruction, misbelief; fallacy, illusion, fantasy

I keep questioning if I made the right decision in doing the Lemtrada treatment 

I obviously knew about the risks associated

But I don’t think I really grasped how shitty I might feel after the treatment 

Complications and consequences always seem so far fetched 

But of course, there was always that worry in the back of my brain that  maybe I’d be worse off after the treatment 

But hope is a funny thing

It makes you think of possibilities that extend far beyond your wildest dreams 

Hope is supposed to be a positive feeling

Unlike, say delusions

At some point

You have to wonder if your hope is nothing more than a delusion

You have to wonder if you should look back on your life, the facts of your life 

And review the outcomes, weigh the evidence 

And calculate the possibilities that that ‘hope’ is nothing more than a delusion

If it’s nothing more than: 

‘an idiosyncratic belief or impression that is firmly maintained despite being contradicted by what is generally accepted as reality or rational argument, typically a symptom of mental disorder

See, herein lies the problem 

I like facts

I like evidence

I like scientifically backed information

I like making decisions based on such things

I do not like wishful thinking

I do not like wondering about the could be’s

And yet, in spite of all of this

I still hope that my delusion is real

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s