First week down

I had no idea what to expect for my first week back at school

Would I feel as exhausted and generally shitty as I did last year?

Would there be any noticeable change?

So one week down and I’ve learned or realized the following things:

It’s not the job or the kids that were exhausting me. It was the fucking disease (okay and maybe the kids a little) 😬

I have more overall energy and that contributes very positively to my mood

CBD has helped with pain management of which I get along of aches and pains and having run out of my supply this week I find a noticeable negative difference and yet still I survived

Youth today haven’t gotten ‘worse‘. They’re just as lost and fucked up as I was when I was one. They still just want someone to listen to them, to understand, try to understand, even just sit with. 

I can pass for 17 when surrounded by other 17 year olds. (This did not feel as complimentary as I thought it would!) 😳

After having done this job for several years, I wondered if I’d lost some of my passion or ability to empathize. I learned this week that I’m not desensitized to the youth and their multitude of issues, I’ve just learned how to manage and cope with my response to them and their lives

There have been a lot of changes in my agency and some of them made me question my work, coupled with that niggling of a reoccurring thought in the back of my brain that doubts my abilities as a youth worker and as someone capable of making a difference in a young persons life. A coworkers reaction to my filling her in on a youth we had just accepted into the program made me feel like just maybe I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be doing what I’m supposed to be doing. She told me that she is always amazed at how much these kids open up to me after just meeting me. 

I learned this week that even if it’s only one kid that I reach or empower or help feel heard…well, I’m counting it as a fucking win 

I learned that even with all the bureaucratic bullshit and red tape that surely must be in hot demand these days, I still love my fucking job 

I know the race isn’t over. Lots more shit to come…but maybe                   this old gal’s got a little more to give…besides who doesn’t love an underdog?

💋 xo


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