Numbers 

Almost 5 months post Round 1 of Lemtrada  

Four monthly blood tests

Four times I’ve panicked about going for blood work 

Four times where I did it without a panic attack or fainting 

Four times I’ve gotten good results 

Four urine tests where I didn’t pee on myself

Four urine tests with good results

One time where I saw my neurologist who said it was way too early to determine if the treatment was successful

Twice He wouldn’t tell me how many lesions I have active or not

Twice I was told my vision was better

Countless number of times I’ve been a heaping crying mess 

Eight months until Round two 

Twice I’ve thought aloud that I shouldn’t have done the treatment 

Two consecutive weeks at work where I felt strong and unbreakable 

Two consecutive weeks where I didn’t take a sick day

Countless times I’ve thought ‘I just can’t do this’

One week that was really fucking hard

Numerous times during said week where I doubted how long I could continue ‘this’

One time I had to cancel travel plans

One day I called in sick 

Countless times I’ve laughed, smiled and been happy to be at work or around people I like

Three times I was awake most of the night

Too many times that food had lost its flavour

One breakdown since being advised to refrain from being tattooed until further notice 

Innumerable days I’ve gotten up, dressed and left the house

Zero

times

I’ve

given

up

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