The coldest it’s been

A cold snap ends

And the warmth comes creeping back

Into your limbs and bones

Warming you up from the inside and out

Until you can’t remember how cold it ever was

That’s what depression is like

It takes over and it’s the coldest you’ve ever been

And it seems never ending

It’s so all consuming

And you can’t even think about all the other people who are just as cold

It’s painful and numbing all at once

It hurts your cheeks to smile

And your tears are too frozen to even start their descent

Then suddenly and without warning 

It changes

The numbness fades to tingling 

Like a reminder that the body is still alive 

Cautiously you move forward

Not knowing when the cold might return

When

Not if

Because it always comes back

You know it will 

Greyer and colder than you remembered 

It doesn’t matter if the thaw lasts for a few days or a few months

It’s like you forget just how fucking cold it can be

Until you wake up again and it’s minus 40 and you’re under 6ft of snow

Everything is hollow and heavy at once 

And it’s no wonder

That you can’t remember what the sun feels like on your skin 

Or the last time you laughed

Because your heart isn’t just frozen 

It’s empty instead

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2 thoughts on “The coldest it’s been

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