Don’t believe everything you think

Margaret Trudeau was interviewed today for Bell Let’s Talk Day

Out of everything I read, heard and watched today

What she said resonated with me the most

I heard it straight through to my core

She said depression is a thief and an illness.

But it IS NOT a state of being

Even though some of us accept it as the way life is

Mind blown

Seriously though

This just clicked

Lightbulb on

Why do we accept it as just the way life is?

The way life has become?

The way it’s always going to be?

‘Life sucks’

‘Life is shitty’

‘There’s nothing you can do’

When did that become the rhetoric in my brain?

When I first started having panic attacks, I knew that ‘this’ wasn’t just the way life is

The way life would always be

I knew it was something that needed to be changed

And yet

Here I sit

Still

With sad empty thoughts

In my brain and on my tongue

Thinking that I’m alone in this obviously over populated world

Thinking I’m a shitty person despite solid evidence to the contrary

Allowing myself to continue in this way

And why?

All because I’ve put stock into thinking that my depression is real life

All because I’ve resigned myself to thinking that my depression is reality

When I know, so confidently and matter-of-factly that the anxious thoughts that run in my head are untrue

I know that I’m not crazy

I know that I won’t die from a panic attack

I know that the feelings will subside

And yet with depression, I’ve allowed myself to believe

That I’m unworthy

That the world is a cold dark place

That no one cares about me

And that is the very essence of depression

The very nature of the disease

Is that it creates this illusion that

Is just so damn realistic

It dupes you into thinking it will never get better

It forces you into seeing the world and yourself as enemies

It lies, manipulates, coerces, convinces…

And I’m not a psychiatrist so I don’t know why the fuck it does that

Why it wastes time doing this to people

Destroying lives

Families

Marriages

But I do know that the only way to change it

Is by changing life’s trajectory

You get off this path that is winding perilously close to a steep cliff

You stop the fucking train

You pull the fucking plug

Margaret Trudeau said you do it by finding a purpose in life

You do it by realizing that the life you’ve resigned yourself to living

Isn’t fucking good enough anymore

That doesn’t mean you should give in to the depression

To give in

To give up

It means

You find something that is worth getting up for in the morning

And maybe it’s just one small thing in the beginning

But you find another thing

Maybe every week

Maybe every month

Maybe slowly it becomes a life worth living

Little by little

Whatever it takes

After all you’re worth that second chance

Aren’t you?

Aren’t I?

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