Amidst the chaos of my life

I remembered that unlike so many I like change

I’m not afraid of change

I like to take chances

My school transcript is a clear indication of that

I remember my dad once, while driving me around

Said to me ‘I respect that if you don’t like something you leave it’

I was surprised never thinking that he would have such an open mind

I’ve done it with jobs too

It’s never been the job that I loved in the first place

Instead it’s the kids I’ve been lucky enough to work with

Unfortunately sometimes the job steals your soul and the right thing to do is move on

The only thing I miss when I leave a job are the young people I met

Anyone who knows me

Know only too well that I change my hair very often

It has nothing to do with the superficiality of needing a new ‘do

I like the feeling of reinvention

The feeling of starting over

The newness of something

Before it can get fucked by life

I think it’s what adrenaline junkies feel when they do extreme sports

The feeling of being alive

It makes me feel alive

Some days

Most days

Life is colourless and bland

I go through life medicated to ‘control’ so much of the chaos in my brain

It’s not to say I don’t feel things

I do

Probably still more intensely the most people

Even with the numbing of the drug cocktails

But it becomes like a life line on a machine

You can see the ups and downs and it’s got a pattern to it


A change is approaching

Then it stirs everything up

The pattern dissolves into chaos

And chaos is a good thing

A great thing even

It’s the very thing that occurs before a great change is made

The possibilities are endless

It reminds me that being normal is boring

Being normal is being complacent

Avoiding change is being afraid of the unknown

Not knowing what’s out there and being afraid of it anyway is ignorance

The unknown is meant to be explored

To find the hidden gems that the rest of the world can’t or won’t see

Those gems may be so hard to find

So rare to hold

But damn when you do

It is simply indescribable


I get that

It must be that chaos is in my heart and in my blood

After all

I too am anything



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