While I can’t say for certain one way or another where the storm of powerful emotions is coming from
Is it the high dose steroids, the cocktail combo of everything else and now the drastic withdrawal?
A culmination of the last several months, much of which was unpleasant at best?
I guess it doesn’t even matter
What does matter, is that like Piglet, I’ve noticed that my heart can carry an enormous amount of gratitude
And I don’t think gratitude is meant to kept bottled up. It’s like having a present and never giving it to the intended recipient.
I want to lay out some honest gratitudes in a way that doesn’t trivialize then into mere platitudes So bear with me while I navigate these murky waters
In can be hard for people drowning to see the good, the things to be grateful for
But I’m going to try
I am grateful for:
- My partner in crime. Through thick and thin. Sick and sicker. Depressed and anxious. I know I could live without you if I had to, but what a sad sad life it would be.
- My mom, mother in law and sister for each taking time out of their days to spend a day at the infusion clinic. Mainly being my go getters and entertainment and in Connie’s case, my calm. You each played such an important role in this infusion week. I am forever grateful.
- My friends, my family especially my dad who wrote a sweet note for me every day on Facebook and even called me Bella 😭
- I am so warmed and surprised by how many people reached out through a text, a visit, a phone call, a message or a line on some social media platform. Going through any hard time is always made easier when there are people who for whatever reason show their support in whatever way they want and can.
- I am grateful for each of my three nurses who took wonderful care of me even knowing they’d likely not see me again. They were kind, understanding and never brushed off any of my feelings or symptoms.
- I am honoured to have spent my time with all my fellow fighters and warriors (of the MS variety or not). I wish there was a collective magic pot where we could each leave a small amount of whatever it is that makes us fight so that when one of us is running on empty, they can dip into the reserves. So much of our fight is done behind closed doors, in beds and in darkened rooms, and I hope that more of us can find the courage to join this crazy fight together.
- Finally I am sooo happy to have a family doctor who could send a script to my pharmacy for some good sleeping pills, and you dear readers should be happy too. Because no sleep and high dose steroid withdrawals makes for an extra less than amiable Angela.
And who in their right mind would want that?