‘See my shadow changing, Stretching up and over me. Soften this old armor. Hoping I can clear the way By stepping through my shadow, Coming out the other side. Step into the shadow. Forty-six & 2 are just ahead of me.’ TOOL

With gradual acceptance comes mounting frustration at the world around you

The world isn’t as comfortable as you aspire to be with your disease (s)

Your spouse won’t stop looking at you with sad eyes

Thinking of a time that will never exist for the both of you again

Your parents always worrying about you

Worrying about how you’ll survive after they’re gone

Your siblings will always simultaneously resent and pity you

All the attention is on you and all the prayers are about you

Your friends have grown so accustomed to your absences

That when you’re ready to be a part of the world again, they’ve forgotten your name

Your workplace doesn’t have a place for you anymore

Posting an ad for your job in hopes of finding someone less ‘sick’

Society doesn’t realize how badass you are

They can’t see past the fact that you need a cane in the first place

The reflection in the mirror looks back at you with weary eyes

It still sees you as broken and in need of saving

Nobody can see the heart that is slowly being stitched together

No one can see the magic that is your brain learning how to accept life as it is

One painstaking tiny miracle at a time

It’s only you

Only you can know how far you’ve come

Only you know about the reparations being made

Only you can know that the old you died in June of 2013

All that’s been left is a shell of a person lingering between two worlds

Not sure where to go

Full of pain and confusion

So with a touch of sadness that will always remain

You finally let that old you go

You don’t watch it get carried away by wind and dust

It’s not your responsibility any longer

You can walk away now

You don’t have to feel the burden of obligatory regret for what you couldn’t give the old you

You can finally fucking breathe

This is your time

Stitched up and with a brain still getting it’s shit together

You’re going to make this world yours

Like it was always meant to be

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3 thoughts on “‘See my shadow changing, Stretching up and over me. Soften this old armor. Hoping I can clear the way By stepping through my shadow, Coming out the other side. Step into the shadow. Forty-six & 2 are just ahead of me.’ TOOL”

  1. This was so powerful Angela and I felt every word! I have missed the old me for 18 years and the new me just lives in pain all the time! Society really doesn’t understand or have any empathy all they seem to have is pity, which I HATE! Just as the new you will do, the new me will continue to fight until I do not have the fight in me anymore, which will not happen anytime soon for either one of us. It is so amazing how reading someone else’s words can resonate so much with another!

    Liked by 1 person

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