‘Pride Comes Before The Fall’

I like spooky things like Halloween in Salem

And even though I don’t really consider myself a ‘believer’, I like going to psychics and mediums

While in Salem for Halloween and on a boat cruise, I had a free reading done

I sat down and after shaking hands and making introductions

He motioned to a pin on my jacket of a broken heart stitched together

He said it represented me well

I’d been broken hearted

Not by love in the traditional sense

But by the world

I laughed a little nervously and my curiosity was piqued

It was a short reading and I can’t stop thinking about something he said during it

He told me that I always felt like I didn’t fit in

He said that maybe that was okay though

Because some people aren’t meant to fit in

Some people are meant to make a difference

He said that in my work I was trying to make a difference for people

That I’m a healer and a powerful empath

I can’t stop tracing those words in my mind

I continue to think about it and where that leaves me

Which is apparently on long term disability (after finally being accepted a month ago)

In that time period, I feel like I should be doing something

Only I don’t know what

This isn’t new though

I’ve never been someone who had a clear path or knew what they wanted to do from a young age

I went to several different schools and tried on different hats

The only one that fit reasonably well was the last one I wore

Working with youth

I knew even though

That it wasn’t the perfect fit

The school restrictions, the politics, the employer

But it was so close

And then in the blink of an eye

Like things in my life so often do

It didn’t feel right anymore

My direction was blurred

Just like my vision

I only knew I couldn’t go on like that

And it had nothing to do with the youth

It had everything to do with how others made me feel like I wasn’t doing good enough

My pride was so deeply wounded

That I can feel it

Like rubbing salt on fresh wounds

Just thinking about my job, those kids, that work, those people, that job

And I feel it all over again

Every single burn

All the pain

Pride is funny like that

It’s with you during some of your happiest moments and accomplishments

It can carry you through some of the toughest times

And then bury you just as easily

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16 thoughts on “‘Pride Comes Before The Fall’”

  1. Wow, you summed it up excellently with the last two lines : “It can carry you through some of the toughest times, and then bury you just as easily”. I think he was right because you do help others, you’re very compassionate and considerate, and that’s a gift to those who know you and read your blog. I won’t get in to the whole ‘having a path’ or knowing what I want/can do or jobs (jobs/career is huuuuugely triggering for me right now, has been since losing my job). It sucks. xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I was going to say what Steve said. It’s taken me awhile but I have finally accepted that my new career is as a writer. It’s the perfect career for ms cause you can sit on your butt but use your brain, when it works anyway. 😉. You could write YA with your background, and you write so well. 💕

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I certainly understand where you’re coming from but you have your unique experience to draw from, your own take on the human experience. And nobody writes anything that hasn’t already been written, all the stories have been told. It’s the particular flavour and spice each writer adds that makes the retelling interesting. It’s super fun to create your own characters and set them loose, I get lost in a whole different world.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I started off fictionalizing the story of how I met my husband which made it easier. Now I’ve learned more about plot and structure and I’ve written a complete fiction. C.S. Lakin at Live Write Thrive has some great resources to help build a framework. I’ll probably self-publish at some point, not with a view to selling tons of books or anything, just to complete the whole process. It’s a fabulous way of expressing things about the world that you think people need to hear. I hope to write something to spread awareness about invisible illness that would appeal to the healthy, that’s the goal.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I’ll check that out thanks! I can def see the allure behind following through on the entire process. It’s that completion of something that has come full circle. Good luck with whatever you write!!

        Liked by 1 person

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