‘Time And Health Are Two Precious Assets That We Don’t Recognize And Appreciate Until They Have Been Depleted.’ Dennis Waitley

And I thought to myself

Not for the first time

Just how much

Health really is wasted on the healthy

Since they don’t have a fucking clue

How lucky they are

I wish I could say that I’m not jealous

I’m happy for them

But those would be nothing but lies wrapped in nice sentiments

The truth is

I’m jealous of every person whose body isn’t attacking itself

I’m bitter towards every person who doesn’t know the fear of not knowing if tomorrow they’ll wake up paralyzed or blind

I’m resentful of everyone who doesn’t appreciate their healthy mind and bodies

I fall asleep sometimes

With the unfairness of it all sitting like a weight on my chest

Making my breathing laboured and coming out more like puffs of fire

I wake up some mornings and before I open my eyes

I wonder if this is the day I won’t be able to see anything

I kick myself for not appreciating the last things I saw before going to bed

For not staying awake longer

Taking in as much as my eyes would let me

I can’t pretend there aren’t moments where these thoughts don’t consume me

Sometimes the moments are fleeting

But I catch myself before I get swept away

And sometimes it’s too damn late for me to realize a moment has stretched into a day

And a day into a week

And the only way I’ve noticed how consumed I’ve become

Is by looking at a calendar

And not being able to remember anything distinct about all of the days gone by

But I know they must have passed because I’ve drawn a big red X on them

Like I’m marking them off

Counting them down

Checking them off

For what?

I’m still not sure

Maybe just to prove I was here

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “‘Time And Health Are Two Precious Assets That We Don’t Recognize And Appreciate Until They Have Been Depleted.’ Dennis Waitley”

  1. This makes my heart ache. As you know, I don’t have MS so I can’t begin to fully appreciate what you go through, but I can relate to a lot of this (including admitting to resentment sometimes of those who take good health for granted, I can’t even imagine what being healthy is like any more). I find the mishmash of days to get more overwhelming because soon it’ll be blog posts to look back at the year (don’t think I even managed that for 2018, didn’t have the heart to do it) and wondering where the time went. x

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s