‘There Was A Time In My Life When I Thought I had Everything…Now I Struggle For Peace.’ Richard Pryor

This morning I read about Richard Pryor and having Multiple Sclerosis

Now I’m pissed off at myself

Because I allowed it to fuck with my head

All day

I kept seeing Richard Pryor towards the end of his life

In a wheelchair

His head sort of lolled forward

Frail and sickly

As if that image wasn’t sad enough

The word ‘invalid’ is stamped onto the backs of my eyelids

That’s how his widow referred to him in an interview after his death

When he became an invalid’

Something like that

That word taunted me all day

Haunted me

Invalid

It’s the opposite of valid

Which means

An idea or thought that is sensible

Or

Something that is important or serious enough that it is worth saying or doing

And that’s what got to me

Because at the end of his ‘battle’ with MS

He was reduced to a word

Irregardless of his willingness to fight and stay positive and be strong and every other trivial motivational one liner people throw at us

He was reduced to a word that literally meant he wasn’t important

That his life didn’t matter

And quite honestly

I cannot think of anything more heartbreaking

Than to be thought of

As nothing more than just inconsequential

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7 thoughts on “‘There Was A Time In My Life When I Thought I had Everything…Now I Struggle For Peace.’ Richard Pryor”

    1. It really did a number on me…but I feel like that’s how it is in society. Having an illness like MS it doesn’t just change you, it changes the way the people and world around you see you as well…it’s funny in a support group once the topic was ‘why I’m grateful for having MS’. It was months ago and I still can’t think of even one small thing

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It really does change how people see you. It’s all-consuming, even if you don’t only see yourself as the disease, that’s all they see. I’m careful about who and when I tell. I have a hard time seeing it as gratitude for having ms, but I know I treat my body much better now than I used to, and that my kids are more aware of the importance of proper nutrition and exercise. Maybe I could have gotten there without the joys of ms to push me, but it helps to frame it as a positive. Sometimes, anyway.

        Like

    1. I can see how it might be hard not to think of yourself in those terms, when the world around you labels you in such strong ways. I don’t know. I’ve never been the type of person who cared what people thought of me but maybe that’s only bc I was never thought of as being somehow weak…

      Liked by 1 person

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