‘Weeds Are Flowers Too, Once You Get To Know Them.’ A.A. Milne

There are literally billions of people on this earth

What does it matter if there is one less?

He wondered to himself

As he left the office, late one rainy night

A car raced by him, splashing him

Making him shiver now that he was drenched in muddy rain water

He thought a split second too late

How he could have easily jumped in front of that asshole’s car

Ruining that fucker’s night

And effectively ending his own

Two birds

One stone

In this case,

Two strangers and one pretentious oversized car

He rolled his eyes

Not for the first time that day

What was it with him lately?

He was becoming the grumpiest 28 year old man that ever existed

He remembered what Catherine had said to him before she ended things with him two weeks ago

‘You’re miserable. Miserable with life, with me and with yourself.’

He rolled his eyes again

Shit

He had to stop doing that

It’s become too reflexive

She was right though

He was miserable

He felt so…dissatisfied with everything

His job, his friends and most definitely with her

He just been going through the motions with her

Really, he was surprised she hasn’t broken up with him months before

But he knew why she had stayed

They looked good together

On paper and on the outside looking in

They looked like the it couple

She with her long red hair and perfectly fake smile

And him with his dark good looks and shadowed eyes

She had loved how her girlfriends envied their relationship

She got off on the times they had told her how jealous they were that she had found ‘someone like him’

As if he was a real catch

This time he stopped himself from rolling his eyes

At first he didn’t mind the way she would play up their relationship in front of others

Hell, it was easy to just smile and keep his hand on her waist

But eventually

Even standing beside her

Grew exhausting

And he couldn’t wait until he dropped her off at home

Making excuses why he couldn’t stay the night

She’d started dropping hints that she was unhappy

Complaining that he never took her anywhere

Or that he acted too indifferent around her friends

Through it all

He couldn’t bring himself to bother to care even the slightest

So when she’d told him she was through with him being miserable

He cut the call, tossed his cell and slept like a baby that night

He wasn’t miserable per say

And yet here he was

Thinking of jumping in front of some asshole’s car

Out of equal parts spite and desperation

He went home that night and drank too much whiskey and passed out in front of the television

He woke up with a brutal hangover that would surely stick with him all day

After showering and forcing down a few Tylenol

He dressed and headed to the subway

Hoping it would be a quiet morning and that when he made it to work

He could just hide out in his office

The subway platform was packed and he felt that same old irritability starting to infiltrate every part of his whiskey soaked brain

The alcohol from last night hadn’t done much to put a damper on his chronically bad mood

He rolled his eyes

Fuck

That hurt

The subway sped into the station

Everyone surged forward

Social etiquette failed to exist in these self serving moments

He hung back

Not caring if he made it onto this train

Maybe he could wait for the next train

Maybe he’d jump in front of it

But there was room

So he moved forward and walked and without paying much attention

He sat in the first available seat and let his head fall back

A few stops later

He felt someone’s eyes on him

He could tell without even opening his own

He took a deep breath, opened his eyes and looked up

And locked eyes with a woman standing directly front of him

He felt a jolt through his entire body

Effectively waking him up

How had he missed her?

While she stared at him

He looked her over

Seeing her black clothing in stark contrast to her pale skin

Her ripped up jeans that led to old school sneakers that looked like they were well worn

He made his way back up and this time the shock of her electric blue hair caught his attention

It was so bright and stood out in the sea of conformity around them

He looked back at her face

And saw that she was looking at him with a strange expression on her face

He should have looked away

It was the polite thing to do

But then a whisper of a tattoo design peaked out on her outstretched arm that held the pole in front of her

Her jacket having ridden up her arm

He couldn’t tell what it was from the little he saw

But could tell it wrapped around her wrist and extended up into her jacket sleeve

He looked back at her

Her face filled with concern

He looked away from her and down at his phone in his hands

What was that look for?

Trying to focus on the note he was trying to type out on his phone

Struggling to find words that would explain everything without blaming anyone

He wouldn’t look up

He must have misread the expression on her face

He would not look up

Most people looked at him with intrigue

He looked up

And she was looking down at him

She still had that concerned look on her face

As if she knew something

Her bright eyes looked directly into his eyes

Searching for something

She shifted her eyes but looked back quickly

Imploringly

She opened her mouth to speak

And in a voice as captivating as her blue blue hair

She said

‘It’s gonna get better you know. One day, it won’t feel like this.’

What the fuck?

He struggled to find something to say

‘You’re gonna be okay’

She whispered

What was she talking about?

As they entered a tunnel, the lights cut out

It was pitch black

He started breathing shallowly

He felt pressure on his hand

Then a graze of his cheek

It felt cool like a salve on his overheated skin

He knew it was her

He could feel the intensity of her words touching him

Seeping inside his skin

Past the bone and muscle

And into his heart

Which started beating rapidly

It was like it was being kick started after a long period of inactivity

The lights came on suddenly

The subway ground to a halt

The doors opened

Beeping loudly

And she was gone

He stared down at his phone

The note application still open

All the words he’d written

Gone

All the apologies

Erased

All the explanations

Deleted

All that was left were 6 little words

That he hadn’t typed

‘I made it. So will you.’