It might look a lot like weakness to the outside world
Maybe even to inner circles
But there is nothing weak about the daily struggles that it takes to survive through a mental illness
I repeat
There is nothing weak about it
There is nothing weak about me
Yeah I get it
Maybe you see someone who is fragile
Someone who is broken
Maybe you see someone who is crazy
Fuck
I don’t know who or what you see
I know what I see
Every single time I pass my reflection in a mirror or window
I see a fighter
Someone who has spent their entire life fighting
Fighting to live
Fighting to find happiness
Fighting to find peace
What an oxymoron
I read somewhere once that,
Fighting for peace,
Is like fucking for virginity
I get it
But its the truth
I fight tooth and nail
I dig in my heels
I scratch
I claw
Anything
To make my way back from the war that is constantly waging in my own brain
If you’ve never been there
You’re blessed
Truly lucky
That you’ll never understand how totally terrifying it is to not feel safe with just you and your own thoughts
You’re lucky that you don’t have to wonder when it will all come crashing down around you
Again…
I’ll never be grateful for having mental illness
I won’t lie and pander about how its taught me so much about myself
About the world
Trust me
There are things I’d never wanted to learn
Like what Paxil withdrawal can do to your once functioning brain
Like how food can cease being appealing to a die-hard ‘foodie’l
Like what the inside of a single room at a crisis centre looks like
I could have happily gone through two lifetimes not caring to know any of those things
It hasn’t made me wiser
Or kinder
So I can’t find it in myself to express gratitude towards something that has stolen so much from my life
From my family
From my father
From me
What I can unequivocally state
Without any doubt in my mind
Is that anyone surviving with a mental illness
Must want to be alive a whole hell of a lot
To be persist
To continue
To just keep going
To anyone who doubts it
You have no fucking clue
The strength and determination it takes to do it all over again
Tomorrow
The oxymoron of fighting for peace, I love that. And this – “Every single time I pass my reflection in a mirror or window, I see a fighter” – fucking absolutely! It takes far more strength than others who’ve not dealt with mental health issues realise to get through every minute of every day, it’s a battle that’s not for the weak of heart. And you my dear are one heck of a badass fighter! xx
LikeLike
And you are far too kind with your words 🤗 but I do wonder…do you think any of them have any idea how hard it is for us…minute by minute?
LikeLike
Anyone who knows you would never think you are anything but a strong, resilient fighter who doesn’t deal in bullshit
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Steve
LikeLiked by 1 person
The song fits 💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻
Joey Paterno
________________________________
LikeLike