‘Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.’ Olivier Wendell Holmes

Feeling speechless

I didn’t think this year could possibly get worse

The universe took that as a challenge

It got so much worse

I’m home from the hospital now

I did things this week that I didn’t think I would ever be able to do

I should feel proud

Instead

I feel resentful and saddened

That I had to do them at all

After two days of immunoglobulin infusion

My platelets are still low at 28

From what I remember, this might mean that I have Immune thrombocytopenic purpura (ITP)

Refresher:

ITP is a bleeding disorder where the immune system mistakenly destroys platelets

Platelets allow us to not bleed excessively

It seems like a really big fuck you to me

I hate blood and needles and anything to do with bleeding

And the universe said

Well, here ya go

I won’t know for sure until next week

But of course I’m thinking the worst case scenarios

I’m convinced I’m dying

I’ve never had that fear before

The universe laughed

And said ‘now you do’

I’m scared

I’m sad

And I keep thinking I just can’t take any more

But I’m scared

That the universe

Will take that too

As another challenge

And I’m just not up for it

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5 thoughts on “‘Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.’ Olivier Wendell Holmes”

  1. Hanging on by my fingernails some days, but hanging on no less. I shouldn’t complain as things have been worse and could certainly be worse.. but damn, I’m so good at complaining 😉
    How are you holding up at the moment..? It may be wishful thinking, but I really hope things are a little easier on you, you deserve a break and a little brightness to come your way  ♥ ♥
    Caz xx

    Like

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