‘Freezing slow time, away from the world’ 38 Years Old, The Tragically Hip

I received a call about my application for Canada Pension Plan

(Canada Pension Plan (CPP) provides disability benefits (disability pension and post-retirement disability benefit) to people who have made enough contributions to the CPP and who are disabled and cannot work at any job on a regular basis. )

My insurance forced me to apply

I was accepted

I will receive benefits until I am 65

I should be happy

It means there is no more need to provide ‘evidence’

I get the money I am entitled to

Instead I burst into tears after getting off the phone

You probably don’t understand why

Allow me to explain

Everyone tells me I could go back to work

Maybe part time

Or for another organization

I’m too young to not work

Be realistic now, who the hell would hire me?

I would have to explain my limitations

And I am all too aware of what happened the last time

I’m not naive

I understand I’m a liability

I cost more than I’m worth

So when I heard the news today

I didn’t feel happy or relieved

I felt heartbroken

Because it’s not just my employer who doesn’t find me fit to work

It’s the government too

And now I think they are right

I just celebrated my 38th birthday

I have 27 years ahead of me of what could have been my ‘working’ years

But now when the topic of work comes up or people ask what I do

I answer

Once upon a time

I used to be a youth worker

I was really good

I helped make a difference in young people’s lives

And now

I just exist

3 thoughts on “‘Freezing slow time, away from the world’ 38 Years Old, The Tragically Hip”

  1. That’s a shame! Here in the states, if you are on disability, or at least for certain kinds of disability, you are allowed to work part time as long as you don’t earn above a certain amount. That sounds more reasonable if you have that ability

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I am so sorry Angela. I do think it should be your choice if you want to work part-time. No one should be able to tell you now. I will say that in the states things are good and bad. Okay, they are BAD because of that idiot in office, but that is just one issue. I will also say that at our age of 38, we know how we feel and MS can be an out right bitch at times. There is a huge part of me that wants to not be forced to work and still have insurance, but at the same time I do think it isn’t easy down here. We still want to move to Canada, especially if that jackass Trump gets re-elected in 2020. Even though I understand how you feel, try to focus on taking care of what is most important, YOU!


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