‘I used to be somebody’- NIN

I’ve been off of work for two years

On long term disability

Every day the probability of returning to my old job felt further away

Yesterday I received an email from my employer

Officially terminating my employment

It hit me hard

You might think it’s no big deal since I’ve been off work for so long

You’d be wrong

I felt like I couldn’t breathe

I reread the email so many times

The words blended together

Floating on the screen

They didn’t make sense anymore

I worked there for 6 years

I’ve been working in this field for over 12 years

Now it’s over

Officially I guess

I’m no longer a youth worker

I don’t know what I am

My name is Angela and I used to be a youth worker

4 thoughts on “‘I used to be somebody’- NIN”

  1. You will always be a youth worker! That’s who you are, but you are also a daughter, a wife,a sister, an artist, an aunt, a friend,etc! For the time being that part of your life is over! You are awesome!❤️❤️

    Sent from my iPad

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hello, my name is Caz, I used to be a community advice & support worker, and a wannabe Clinical Psychologist. Now I feel like a nobody.

    BUT when I see you write this about yourself, I feel myself wanting to shout YOU ARE SOMEBODY! Cheesy but true. I can’t say much here as I’d be a huge hypocrite, but I lost my job more than two years ago now and it’s had a ginormous impact on me, beyond what I realised at the time. I’m trying to go self-employed (writing, doing surveys, stressing massively but not even earning enough to cover groceries) because of how utterly shit it’s made me feel. And the guilt.. don’t get me started. It makes you very aware of how much stock we place on jobs and career. Like it defines us and makes us a worthwhile human being because we’re contributing to taxes, we can say we’re gainfully employed like that’s a way to level up in this game.

    All I can say is that your job level may go down, but your person level goes up. Your value and who you are doesn’t change on whether or not you have a job if you’ve lost it through being unwell. (I say all of this but can’t apply it to myself, hence the hypocrisy). I’m not sure if any of this made sense but I felt I should write it.

    Sending love. Please look after yourself.. ♥
    Caz xx

    PS. I used to fucking love NIN. Still do.

    Liked by 1 person

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