Pity party of one

I’m sick of my body being so broken

The nurse just left

I’m laying down with an ice pack on my hand

She got the vein in my hand but push inreally deep

The veins were rolling

The blood was oozing out so slowly

I could feel myself becoming nauseous

I felt weaker as she took an extra vial bc she wasn’t sure there had been enough blood before

I don’t get it

It’s not a lot blood

But I feel drained

Completely

I’ve been doing this for so long

I hate how it’s not easier

My hand hurts

No

The inside of my hand hurts

The vein

That I shouldn’t be able to feel

I hate how wrong that feels

I hate that I felt the need to apologize to her because of my shitty veins

I hate that it feels so unfair

I hate how things seemed to have piled up after the MS diagnosis

I hate that I still have to this for at least another 3 years

I hate that I did the Lemtrada treatment

I hate that I got ITP as a result

Most of all

I hate that I’m crying about it now

6 thoughts on “Pity party of one”

  1. Angela, I am so sorry you have been going through so much lately, but I do hope things get better for you soon. I understanding hating being in pain and feeling broken. It is easy to become emotional when you are in pain and feeling terrible. Please know I am thinking of you and wishing you the best. I wish there was something more I could do for you. I hope you are able to remain safe from the virus with all you have already been going through. Please never hesitate to email me anytime if you need to vent or there is something I can do for you. Sending you lots of love and hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. And I hate that you have to feel this way. I hate what you’ve been through. I hate the pain you’re in, the parts of the life you’ve lost, the anger and illness and the way things get worse and not better over time. I wish I could do something to help. How’re you managing today..? It sounds like you’re beyond exhausted with it all so I hope you can find enough things to distract yourself for a while, to get lost in something and forget, even temporarily, your broken body and everything that comes with the chronic illness life. You’ve got to recoup before you can get back up fighting. Go easy on yourself  ♥
    Caz xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

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