‘Condemn me, it does not matter. History will absolve me.’ Fidel Castro

Some days I’m so consumed with jealousy of every single person who is healthy

I think about all the ways their lives are easier

Not that they don’t have struggles

As we all do

But most people’s difficulties aren’t compounded by an incurable illness

Some days I just can’t wrap my head around even having MS

5 years later and it still feels surreal

Like this just can’t possibly be my life

Some days I feel lucky to have made it this far in life

Having found a life partner and having had a career that I loved

Today, however, is not one of those days

Today is the sort of day where I feel bitter and hardened by what life has had to offer

Today is a day where I feel every single ache and pain and can’t find relief in pill, word or song

Today I can’t find a connection to a single soul out there in the universe, no matter how hard I try

So I look forward to the night

The night when I can sigh with relief that this day has finally ended

The night when I can finally lie down in bed

Surrounded by comfort and pillows and close my eyes

Not knowing what type of day tomorrow will bring

Stuck feeling somewhere between being a hopeful masochist or an optimistic dreamer

Unsure which one I want to be

Wondering which is worse

Still not knowing which will ruin me in the end

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‘Sippin on Chemical Cocktails. Alive to the Universe. Dead to the World.’ Allen Ginsberg

Welcome to today

A toxic wasteland

Once upon a time, beautiful skies now covered in thick layers of smog

Politicians waxing poetic about illegal aliens, poverty and guns

People lining up with arms outstretched hoping to get a handful of something

Plastic celebrities famous for nothing more than their celebdom, and no one will care in a hundred years

Youth huddled in groups with silence stretched out between them the only sound the tap tap tapping of their fingers on their phones

Children losing their chance at an idyllic childhood to YouTube or Snapchat or or or

Crying babies born brought into a world that gives them no other choice but to cry from the beginning

Adults consumed with the need to consume more of everything

The elderly forgotten and dismissed as foolish because they don’t know how to exist in this crazy messed up universe we’ve created

People all around walking so aimlessly, more intrigued with their handheld devices than the meteor showers of chaos happening all around them

Roads and lanes and cities and towns bursting at the seams with people and need and urgency for hope

Losing sight of what’s important

Even with reminders from the enlightened that we’re destroying the earth, humanity, kindness and losing everything pure in this world

Put down your phone

Look around

Blink

And

Before you know it

It’s already gone

And

You can’t remember a time

Before