‘No Dress Rehearsal. This Is Our Life.’

11 years ago

October 27, 2007

We got married

Still a few years shy of 30 years old

We thought we had it all figured out

How little we knew

We had yet to learn a lot

To experience so so much

We thought we knew it all

Life, predictably knew better

And yet

Even though

It was never perfect

It was occasionally heartbreaking

It was often difficult

It was filled with laughter

It was sometimes chaotic

It was sprinkled with passion

It was usually me needing help

It was intermittently explosive

It was frequently unexpected

And it was always…

Always…with you

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Throw back 11 years ago

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‘There is always some madness in love. But there is also always reason in madness.’ Nietzsche

I used to lament

How we would have had an epic love story

If it weren’t for my fucked up life getting in the way

It’s kinda messed up

How everyone loves the deeply flawed broken man in a romance novel

But nobody writes a story where the woman in the relationship is the one who is beautifully broken

Our story is nothing like a romance novel

I know I don’t need you to survive

This isn’t a story about a damsel in distress

Maybe I would even find a way to be happy without you in my life 🤷🏻‍♀️

The thing is

I don’t want to have to try

I want you in my life

In my darkest hours

In my darkest moments

I see you at the other end

Looking for me

Waiting for me

You read me affirmations when I’m too anxious to read them myself

You encourage me when my depression steals my ability to do that for myself

This isn’t a fairytale

It’s real and gritty and honest

And sometimes I’d rather be alone

I know it’s not easy

Sometimes, when I’m not consumed by own mind

I see how hard it is for you

That makes me far sadder than I could ever put into words

I still think how different your life could have turned out

If we hadn’t of met

I probably always will

I used to think that our love story was ruined

That it didn’t have a chance to flourish

Because of me

That my own story is filled with too many plot twists

To have a happy ending

But I was wrong

You are the plot twist

You’re the one I didn’t see coming

In a million years

I never would have guessed

That we’d be here

Together

After everything

All the hard times

All the sad times

Ive said before that I wouldn’t try to write something

That someone else had already written

And written so eloquently

This

Exactly

All of this:

And I’d choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I’d find you and I’d choose you.”-Kiersten White

Happy birthday to my better half

You have a light within you

That’s brilliant and warm

Just enough to make it cozy

Your light makes people want to be near you

To bask and enjoy its warmth

It makes me wish for things that aren’t meant for people like me

I used to wish you could take my darkness away and change me

But now I understand so much better

You can’t carry my darkness

It’s mine for a reason

But somehow

I can still see your brilliant light through my darkness

And that is enough for me

And that means more to me than you can ever know

Happy birthday to the guy that makes my life brighter ❤️