I feel like I should apologize for being MIA lately
But I’m not really sorry
Because it’s for a good reason
It’s for me
Last Wednesday I dropped my Paxil dosage from 40mg to 30mg
I won’t pretend I was totally cool with it
I had a lot of reservations
But I also really wanted to do it
There were some shitty days obviously
Two days when my anxiety spiked to an uncomfortable level and I needed to take more Ativan
Several days where I had dizzy spells that came and went
But I survived
I can tell the following things helped:
Writing affirmations daily
Trying to stay busy
Doing a lot of introspection over the root of my anxiety
Now today I went down to 20mg
Last nite I was really starting to psych myself out of doing this
I kept thinking ‘woah 20 is a big drop from 40’
Then J. reminded me that I was going from 40mg to 20mg
I’ve been on 30mg and am stable there
Now I’m dropping 10mg again
Which I successfully did last week
I needed to hear that
It helped ease my fear
I made him write it out so I could print it
I’ve already reread it a few times
Along with some other affirmations
I need to keep reminding myself that I’ve already dropped 10mg and while unpleasant
I survived it
I’m still safe
I’m still here
And most of all
If I did it once
I CAN most certainly do it again
Changing the narrative helps
Taking the unknown and making it something familiar
Removes the fear
For anyone else out there struggling with anxiety
If I’ve got this
You’ve got this
Hard and uncomfortable as it is
We have what makes people into warriors
I’m going to remember all of the difficult things I’ve been through in my life
I’m scrappy
I am a fighter
Think of everything you’ve survived
I hope you keep fighting
Because I will too
That’s what warriors do