‘Nothing gold can stay’ -Robert Frost

You know that saying

The one that goes something about longing for a place you’ve never even been before?

Sometimes it’s not as romantic of a notion as that

Sometimes it’s a literal place you’ve been to

For me it was a house we lived in

A house we recently sold

To move into more affordable (read: for my situation) living arrangements

It wasn’t just concrete and wood

It was a home in a very real way for me

As an eternal ‘outsider

It can be tricky to find a place where you feel comfortable

Let alone a place where you instantly feel at ease

Most places seem unwelcoming or overwhelming

But not that house

I remember walking in

And seeing the grey walls and dark floors

And laughing to myself that it was like it had been renovated with me in mind

Finding a big bay window in the master bedroom was icing on the cake

I’d sit so often in my bed and look out that bay window and see the centuries old trees that lined the street

Finding comfort in all the beauty that had been there long before me

And would surely be there long after me

It wasn’t just the house

The street made me smile when I drove towards it

Smelling the amazing food of my Portuguese neighbours

Joking how even in the dead of winter they’d be out grilling up some food on a charcoal bbq

We would sit on our stone patio in our wicker chairs

Listening to the sounds of the neighbourhood

Music and cars and laughter

I can’t tell if any of it is even real anymore

Did I make it all up?

Maybe it never really existed

It should make me feel better

Less sad

Less nostalgic

It should make me hopeful that if a place like that could ever have existed

Maybe I can find it again

But I don’t feel that way

I feel sad and bitter and filled with regret

I feel certain in this moment

That my soul is so heavy with the weight of regret

That I’ll never be able to find the beauty of feeling home again

So on we go

My troubled soul and me

Perpetually lost

Always an outsider

Day 1 of 3 Quote Challenge

Thanks to the lovely Alyssa for her nomination. She has similar struggles as I do but yet seems to handle the challenges with a grace most could only dream to possess. Read more at Alyssa’s blog

I imagine anyone who knows me knows how much I love words, lyrics, poems, books etc and I could seriously cover my entire body in the quotes that have made me feel something and not regret one line.

My first quote is attributed to Robert Frost.

Excuse the bubble bath on the last word. 😬

What I love about this quote is that it says so much without revealing a single thing. You can feel how much the author has been through. How much life has thrown at him. And that at the end of the day, the thing you can really take away from life’s alleged lessons, is that it continues. The world keeps spinning, people keep moving. There’s something so comforting in that knowledge.

I’d like to nominate the following three bloggers to take part in the quote challenge:

Steve who motivates and inspires me to continue to write. He’s even written a book! Check out Steve’s blog

Second blogger nomination is Caz. Caz is supportive, encouraging and knows too well the struggles of a warrior. She writes about real life. Read her blog at Caz’s blog

Last but certainly not least is Jay-lyn, whose writing conjures up powerful images and is a fellow warr;or. Read her words at Jay-lyn’s blog.