I want to dance in the rain

I don’t want to be that person above that sits impatiently waiting for the huge storm to pass

With tired eyes and a listless body

I don’t want to be the person that misses out on the feelings of being alive you only get while dancing in the rain

With a heavy heart and a restless soul

I don’t want to be the person that sits and sits wondering when the storm will end

I do want to be the person that makes the best of what the storm is offering

I do want to be the person that can revel in magic of the strongest storms

I do want to be the person that can revel in the beauty of the sun coming out after a dark storm

But what do you do when your body and your mind and your soul are all operating at different levels of abilities?

Your body wants to sleep

Your mind wants to give up

And your soul vacillates between wanting to run and wanting to steal someone else’s happiness

Some days my body can’t go on

And I have to call in sick from life

And I have to sleep

And I have to hope that rest will be what my body is needing

Some days my mind’s suffering is so strong

And I need to escape from life

And I need to sleep

And I need to hope that I either won’t wake up or that I’ll wake up whole again? For the first time?

My favourite are the days when my soul is screaming the loudest that it can’t be ignored and I have no choice in the matter

And I just live

And I just laugh

And I just love

So fully

So heartily

So fucking strongly

That I hope it will be enough to keep me going

On the days when my body and my mind are all I can listen to

And I can’t remember what the rain drops felt like cooling my skin as I danced and danced under the magical stormy sky

I want to box it up

With tape and bubble wrap

And beautiful hopefulness

I can replace my broken heart with it

I can replace my damaged mind with it

And I can live the way my soul wants me to

Never simply waiting for the storm to pass

Always dancing to the chaos of the rain drops

The only way me soul expects me to…

Some days

All you can do is sit tight

Hunker down 

And wait for the storm to pass

Today is one of those days

Where I feel a lot more pacifist than warrior

And the stormy skies seem to get darker and the thunder sounds angry

Today, I’m part wounded victim and part nefarious villain

Today I wonder if I chase the storms more than just wait for them to move elsewhere

Today I think about people who only care to dance in the rain and don’t see the lightening approaching 

Today I wonder how those people can twirl and move beneath such turbulent vicious skies

Today I think those people are part lucky and part naive

They don’t have to wait and for the storm to hit

Dreading it and longing for the solitude it brings 

They don’t have to wait for the lightening to crash

For the angry skies to open up and unleash their relentless downpour

Those people…

They just know that the sky is turning a different colour and the noises are louder

But they don’t see the danger approaching

They don’t see the bleakness of the sky and how it’s lost its vivid colours

And they don’t hear the outrage in the loud noises

They don’t see the beauty in the lightening or the havoc it can create

Those lucky pathetic people

Today, I wish I was like them